


Zayori.chr

by SlimyPennies



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Blood, F/F, Fluff and Angst, HIT ME WITH THAT GAY ZOMBIE SHIT LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO, zombie!sayori
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-04-23 22:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14341917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlimyPennies/pseuds/SlimyPennies
Summary: Sayori's not dead, but she's not quite alive either. She's... both? Sayori's perception of reality comes crashing down when she wakes up in her own grave, and having her best friend/longtime crush essentially be her god isn't helping at all. Worse still, her mere existence is messing up the code around her, making it so Monika's editing only works when she's near. Can Sayori deal with both her new reality, seeing Monika in a new light, and having to live with her?tldr: Sayori's a zombie, there's femslash, Monika hugs Sayori a lot.





	1. I'm Back

The idea of a zombie apocalypse being overrun with millions upon millions of zombies is laughable at best. Yes, everybody dies eventually, and yes, there's a lot of dead people already, but you never see a skeleton walking around in those movies, right?

Eventually, every body will decay and turn into a pile of sinew and rotting tissue, slowly becoming skeletal. Of course, if the body doesn't have joints, which are flesh-based, then the idea of it getting up and walking around is preposterous.

Even then, what would bring a person back? A virus? Some mad experiment? J̞͡u͠s͙̜t̶̘ ̪M͉̟̥o̪͚̳̝̣͚n̹͠i̧͎̘̘͍̱ͅk͉̖̮̺͕͍a̖̙̪̙̪̟̦?̮͝

\---

Sayori groaned as she rolled over in her deep sleep, making herself comfortable. She laid her head on her arm, murmuring sleepily into it.

She involuntarily kicked in her slumber, hitting her foot against something hard. As Sayori started awake, she accidentally hit her head against the hard floor.

_Ow._

Sayori’s eyes refused to adjust to the darkness, but this definitely wasn’t her bed, or even her room.

What happened?

_Sayori climbs up on the chair, rope in hand, and starts slowly, almost agonizingly so, tying a knot in the rope._

A sudden flash of memory hit Sayori, making her choke on her own spit.

Wait, no. Wait, _no._

There's a dull pain echoing through her neck, and it hurts to breathe.

_Sayori tied the rope to the ceiling beam, making sure it was sturdy enough. She put her head in the loop._

No. That didn’t happen. That didn’t happen. _That didn’t happen._

But if it did-

No. It didn’t happen.

She sits up, but hits her head on a low-hanging ceiling, her head and already-sore neck stinging with pain. Sayori rubbed her head, regretting sitting up so fast.

Where is she?

Sayori stretches, but the space she’s in is only a little bit bigger than her. Her fingers absentmindedly rub the side of the space, only to catch a splinter. At least Sayori knows it’s wooden now.

As she loudly whined, attempting to pull the splinter out with her teeth, Sayori made an attempt to puzzle this situation together.

_She kicks the chair out from beneath her, and the feeling of falling is short-lived. Sayori only feels pain for less than a second before everything goes to black._

Wait.

Wait, wait, _wait._

Sayori feels something coming on. An idea.

Small, rectangularish, wooden. Big enough to hold a person, but not big enough for comfort. Coffin.

It's a coffin.

...Oh no.

_Oh no._

_Oh no no no no no NO NO NO **NO**_

\---

A couple feet above Sayori, the rest of the Literature Club quietly stood over Sayori's grave.

"Y'know…" Natsuki said, kicking her feet against the grass, "Everything feels, uh... _empty_ without Sayori…"

"Agreed." Yuri replied, "She brought this certain carefree spirit to everything. I truly miss it. ...I truly miss her."

Monika silently looked forward, gripping an assortment of flowers tightly, the kind you would just pick out of a garden.

"I still don't get why she did that." Natsuki continued, "Like, were we not good enough? I… I like to think I was a good friend, but uh… Nevermind."

"Typically, people with depression focus on the negatives a lot more than the positives, Natsuki. It's not your fault, or my fault, or Monika's fault-"

"Okay, everyone." Monika said, "I know you two miss Sayori, but we need to move on. We can't visit her every day, it's just not realistic."

Monika quietly put her bundle of flowers next to Sayori's grave, similar bouquets piling up around the stone.

"Let's…" Monika muttered, "Let's go home."

As Monika walked off, Yuri and Natsuki hesitated. Natsuki shot Yuri a pleading look, and Yuri replied with a shake of the head. Eventually, they both followed Monika, neither of them wanting to remind Monika that she was the one who always asked to come here.

\---

_Scritch scritch scritch scritchhhhh_

Sayori dug her nails into the roof of the coffin, wincing with every scrape of the wood.

How thick is a coffin?

How long will this take?

How deep did they bury her?

When you say that someone died, sometimes you say that they're six feet underground.

Six feet…

Sayori's only 5'2.

Sayori could feel all her will to try and do anything instantly leave.

She committed suicide. She should be dead.

_In any fair universe, she would be dead._

Her breathing quickened. She's stuck here, right? Stuck here until she starves, or-

No, no, no, just keep trying, just keep digging.

She could feel her fingertips start to bleed as she clawed at the ceiling desperately.

\---

Monika looked through her phone as she walked home. Natsuki and Yuri broke off from her route a while ago, so she was safe to go through the code.

God, she could never understand what kind of shitty visual novel would just erase a character and leave you unable to go back to an earlier save. Why couldn't she go back?

Sayori.chr has to be somewhere, right? You can't just delete an important file like that, right? Even when Player deleted her, she came back... It had to have moved somewhere where the game can't access.

She has all the time in the world. The computer hasn't been turned on in years, and the game hasn't been opened longer than that. She can…

Wait.

Where did this new folder come from?

A new folder called "Backup" somehow managed to create itself on the main game folder. Monika didn't remember making that.

She opened it up.

Zayori.chr

That's…

That's not right.

Is this what happened? Did the file accidentally get renamed?

Monika went to rename it, but there was no option to.

"Uh…"

\---

Sayori felt the soft layer of dirt above her slowly crumble into her coffin.

Oh no, oh no, oh no-

A slow trickle of dirt quickly turned into a massive downpour of muck as the hole on the coffin splintered open.

No, no, no, no-

A rush of adrenaline ran through Sayori as she dug her way out of the coffin, the weight of the dirt pushing her down. Slowly, she shoved back, standing up against the pile of dirt that rained down on her.

And, finally, there was light.

Sayori gasped for breath as she clawed her way out of the hole, using the coffin as a stool. Her pale hands grasped at grass, desperately trying to pull herself up before it inevitably broke under her weight. Sayori's feet managed to secure themselves against the wall of dirt, and she hauled herself up.

Panting, sweating, Sayori plopped onto the grass, wiping her bloody, dirty hands into the ground in an attempt to make it hurt less.

...How did she end up in there?

She couldn't have possibly died, right?

A large wad of dirt crumbled off of her hand, and Sayori finally noticed how pale and tight her skin looked, wrinkles forming in the crevices of her hand.

No. No, she couldn't have.

Her neck.

Her neck hurts.

Is… Is it…?

She touched her neck, wincing at the sudden surge of pain that ran through her.

No.

A large bump jutted out of the side of her neck, a bump that made Sayori tear up when she touched it.

No way.

No fucking way.

With shaking legs rivalling a newborn deer, Sayori slowly stood up, taking in her surroundings.

It's… It's a graveyard, and she's in a pink dress… At least, it was pink before it got dirty.

This can't be right.

But it was.

Sayori's knees buckled as she leaned forward and puked, translucent retch burning at her throat, running down the sides of her face.

She can't be back.

She clutched her stomach, legs slowly giving out, leaving her to kneel in the grass. Another round of puke came out of her, leaving her coughing and wheezing.

None of this can be real.

As the sun set, Sayori kneeled there, hanging her head low.

\---

Zayori.chr… What secrets does it hold?

Monika ran it through every file editor she had, and even went through some of the surface coding in an attempt to see if it was the wrong file type, but it was all for na̵̲̹a̖a͍ͅught.

No. No, wait. Something's messing with the code.

What's that? Someone new?

Who… Who's there?

The folders slowly shifted between random gibberish names. Monika shivered.

Was this…? No, it can't be… She committed suicide. That's stupid. Even if she did somehow come back…

Wait, no.

This is a game. Her death means nothing. She can come back.

She can come back.

But she isn't Club President, she can't return by herself-

It was in this moment that Monika realized she was ignoring her duties as president.

(Pause NatDad.chr, set YuriHarm.txt to 0)

There. Now everyone can be happy.

\---

Natsuki wiped away the blood that ran out of her nose as she staggered back onto her feet. She scoffed and spat out some blood onto her assailant, a tall man who looked strikingly similar to herself, passed out on the floor.

"Fuck you, Papa." Natsuki said, "That's what too much beer does to ya!"

She grinned as she kicked her dad in the face.

It wasn't uncommon for Papa to pass out without any rhyme or reason. Natsuki just assumed that's what happens when you drink. It's not like she has any first hand experience, so… her drunk of a dad has a tendency to pass out. Correlation oughta equal causation in this case, right?

Natsuki thought she was right.

\---

Yuri dropped her knife halfway through an incision into her skin.

Red ran down her wrists, but it felt… _wrong._ Nothing about this felt right or even good anymore.

This thing that gives her joy…

Yuri quietly counted her blessings that she would have less cuts to clean, but still felt betrayed, somehow. Recently, she just hasn't been feeling anything good when she cut herself. That should be a good thing, but when it's one of the few things that excite her…

She pressed her fingers into the wound, hissing through her teeth.

\---

Sayori trudged through the streets, limping, holding up her head, her neck cracking loudly when she walked too fast. Every block or so, she stopped, mustering up the will to continue on.

Despite the darkness that consumed the atmosphere around her, Sayori stepped around the streetlights, fearing that looking at herself in the light would cause another vomit attack.

Sayori's endless mantra of pain inside her head was only broken up by observations of the world around her that she never noticed until now. How empty and silent the streets were, how she could see lights on in some houses, but never any silhouettes of people living in there, how every single road looked exactly the same.

She slowed down to a stop near a streetlight, taking care to avoid the light. As she looked at the streetlight even closer, something struck her as odd, but she couldn't tell what.

Sayori circled around the streetlight. It was normal, right? It's just a streetlight.

Then, another flash of odd hit her. No. No, that's not a normal streetlight. Nothing's normal.

She looked up at the very top of the pole, where the light came from.

The light didn't come from the lightbulb, but instead circled around an unseen source about half a foot to the right. The streetlight didn't give off light; the light and the streetlight were two separate things.

Sayori moved her head to see at a different angle, but another peculiarity happened.

The streetlight was flat, like a piece of paper.

As Sayori walked around the streetlight, the paper faced her, refusing to show her its backside. But, if she only moves her head, and not her feet…

The back of the pole didn't have any particular colour, at least, not one that Sayori could describe without going insane, but it did have little markings all over it.

Sayori leaned forward, staring deeper into the void. They were… strings of numbers and letters? It looked familiar. Monika once told Sayori about something that looked very similar to this, a type of programming language she learned.

Deeming her break long enough, Sayori trudged closer to home.

Trudging, trudging, trudging…

Closer, closer, closer…

_Wait._

Sayori looked back at the streetlight. Monika knows what those letters and numbers mean. Monika knows. _Just Monika._ She could help make sense of this somehow, right?

Monika… Monika's smart. She just has to know.

She changed direction, slowly limping to Monika's house.


	2. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayori visits Monika in the middle of the night.

Monika sat down on her couch, reading a book that Yuri leant her. Well… truth be told, she wasn't really reading, as much as she was skimming over the same page over and over again, attempting to slam the words into her brain. It's hard to read when there's an anomaly in your fictitious reality that is similarly named to one of your three only friends, more specifically the one that is dead.

_Knock knock knock_

Monika slowly turned towards the direction of her porch. Who could be knocking at this hour?

_Knock knock knock_

Yuri and Natsuki… Monika messed with their files just a tiny bit, honestly, just to make them sleep at reasonable times. This is not a reasonable time to be awake.

_Knock knock knock_

_Ring ring!_

Monika’s gaze went back to her phone, her new way of accessing the console, now going off like a million people were texting her at the same time. Slowly, she reached for the phone.

She gulped, and looked at the screen.

_Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr?_

Sweat ran down Monika’s face as she stared blankly at her phone.

_Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr? Edit Zayori.chr?_

Then, as quickly as it started, the messages stopped. Before Monika could breathe a sigh of relief, the knocking resumed.

_Knock knock knock_

_...Ring._

One text. Monika slowly looked at the message.

_F͇͓͡I͏̭̦͔X͇͕̯̺̰̣ ̼̞͜M͎͈͖̭̗̖͇E͎̗̫͈.̟̞͘_

The already-loud knocking exploded into a thunderous assault on Monika’s door. Monika bit her lip, entering code into the console. A knife appeared in her free hand. Yuri wouldn’t mind if she just… _borrowed_ it.

Quietly, Monika stood up, creeping towards the door. She stopped, took a deep breath, and grabbed the handle.

“Monikaa̷̤̩̻͖͙̫ḁ̮̖̖̳͕̼͘͢ą̪̙̦̖͜ͅ!̱̟̮̪͢”

Monika didn’t know what to do. Scream? Cry? Yell with delight? She took a step back, shocked.

“Monika. The code.” Sayori groaned, glitchy, corrupted bits and pieces of garbage data running from her orifices, “Monika. Y͎̝o̷̟̜͚̞̯u͝ ͈k̝̫͎̤͢n͏̩͇̦̟̺͍̰ow̰͇̬̭̜͠ͅ.̪͡”

Sayori’s skin was pale and tight, wrinkled, pulled back around her eyes. Her eyes shined with an unfocused, tired gaze. Sayori grinned, cracks forming at the corners of her mouth, receding gums holding sharp fangs that pointed in all directions, tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth, reaching the bottom of her neck. Her hands were still bleeding, and her neck rattled as she moved.

“S-Sayori?” Monika whimpered, “What happened to you?!”

“You know.” Sayori replied, nodding like her words actually made sense, “The streetlights are flat. The stree̸̯̻̺̲̱e͖̣̮e̲͈̹͉ͅa̢2͙̭̱̼̝l͢s̷̪͚̠͉̯b̥̙G̯̬1̤̘l̻͉̜̻͓ͅY̤̙̻̖̤͡W͘d̝̬͓̰͚̫ḩ̝͖̰̜̯a̝W4̛̬̠=̱̯”

“The streetlights? What…”

Monika thought back to some of the techniques used to save space in the game, and it suddenly made sense.

She knows. She noticed.

Usually, when confronted with something that shatters your world view, something that makes you question your own reality, people ignore it. Monika knows she ignored the first eight bajillion hints that she wasn’t real. Coming back from the dead… that must have been Sayori’s breaking point for denying it.

Sayori smelled like rotting flesh, but Monika figured that the dirt and grime covering her body had something to do with it. She’s okay, just… tired. Dirty. Glitched.

“The streetlights.” Sayori tiredly insisted, “Please. The streetligha̢2͙̭̱̼̝l͢s̷̪͚̠͉̯b̥̙G̯̬1̤̘l̻͉̜̻͓ͅY̤̙̻̖̤͡W͘d̝̬͓̰͚̫ḩ̝͖̰̜̯a̝W4̛̬̠=̱̯"

Okay, incredibly glitched.

Sayori held out a gangly hand, and Monika grabbed it. It was cold to the touch.

“Do you know the c̡̠̱̼̯̠ọ̧̰̗͈̦̰̟d̯̗͎̯e̩ͅ, Monika?”

“I… I know the code.” Monika replied, “Listen, we can sit down.”

Monika dragged Sayori to the couch and sat her down next to her. Sayori trudged dirt all over the couch as she absentmindedly laid down, her head on Monika’s lap. Her eyes struggled to stay open. Monika rubbed Sayori’s back.

“It’s okay.” Monika said gently, “Sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

“H̵̺̻͎̹̞̭͚u̡̱̱̣͔̥̯ͅr͕̜̱t͓s̗̘̺.”

“What?”

“It hu̯̟̙̳̖̮u̻̬͉u̴̳̮̞u͔̫͍͓ư͇̮͍͕̰͍̫r̵̝̻̩t̫͕s̙͍̬͡.”

Monika quickly grabbed her phone and went into Zayori.chr in an attempt to fix something. How could she be so stupid? Her neck is broken! She needs to fix this…

Miraculously, the file decided to cooperate with her enough to reduce her pain percentage, which is how much Sayori’s injuries affect her. Not so miraculously, Monika could only put her down to 20%, not 0%. 20% of any normal injury would be a godsend, but 20% of a neck break… that must still hurt.

Sayori breathed softer, like a massive weight was removed from her back.

“Thank you…” Sayori still groaned, but it wasn’t so pronounced, “Thank you so, so much… I have no idea how, but… Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, now go to sleep.”

“No. You need to tell me… I saw… I saw it behind the streetlight...”

Sayori’s muscles relaxed as she fell asleep, burying her face in Monika’s lap. Monika dared not move, lest she wake her up.

Should she delete her memories? ...No. No more of that. Monika sighed, staring up at the ceiling.

She hummed a quiet tune to herself, closing her eyes. Before she knew it, Monika drifted to sleep, Sayori lying on her lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks yall for the nice words of encouragement... i'll draw zayori later cause i love my babby lmao


	3. Good Morning!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayori uses the bathroom and everything goes miserably from there.

Sayori yawned, rolling onto her stomach. She stretched, before hitting her arm on something.

“Ow.” Monika said, “Are you awake, Sayo? Or are you just naturally inclined to attack things while you’re asleep?”

Surprised, Sayori rolled off of Monika’s lap, plopping directly onto the floor. Monika stood up, stretching as she did so.

“Ah, thanks, my legs are so numb.” Monika continued, “You okay?”

Sayori felt her face, accidentally puncturing her hand on her fangs. She yelled, part in surprise and part in pain.

“Taking that as a no. Listen, I think you could benefit from a bath right now. You need some relaxation, some time to collect your thoughts…”

Sayori sniffed the air, gagging.

“Ugh, or is it because I smell?” She muttered.

“Also that. Come on.”

Monika walked upstairs, and Sayori followed. As she walked, Monika typed away at her phone until spare clothes materialized in her hand. Sayori made a sound of confusion.

“We’ll talk about that later.” Monika said, handing the clothes over to Sayori as they made it to the bathroom door, “You need this, so… Go on! Have a nice bath!”

Sayori nodded, and she went in the bathroom. Monika stood outside the door, listening to Sayori rustle around inside. She sighed.

Should she make breakfast? That’s the responsible thing to do in this situation, so, yes, she will.

Monika walked down the stairs, nodding to herself as she thought, a habit she picked up after her… _accident._

They shouldn’t go to school today, right? Monika only ever went to preoccupy herself, as she could never graduate, forever stuck in second year.

Monika set foot in the kitchen, and instantly her phone went off. Constant notifications spammed her home screen, all reading the same thing, over and over.

_SET ZAYORIEYES TO __

From upstairs, Sayori let out a piercing scream, shaking the house.

Monika opened up her phone, dashing towards the stairs.

_BLOOD TO __  
_ZAYORI.CHR IS COMPROMISED_  
_EYES_  
_EYES_  
_BLOOD TO __  
_COMPROMISE_

Monika went to edit the files, but bold text covered her screen.

_ERROR: ZAYORI.CHR IS OUT OF RANGE._

Monika went to open the bathroom door, but it was locked. She shook the handle, Sayori still screeching from inside the bathroom. Quickly, Monika kicked the door, busting it in a little. She kept kicking and kicking, wood splintering under her feet until a hole formed. Monika stuck her hand in, unlocked the door, and burst in.

“Sayori?!”

Sayori was half in the bathtub and half on the floor, naked. Her face cracked open, lines opening up to show an endless glitchy void just beneath her skin, and she coughed and wheezed, puking up garbage data and distorted graphics. Everything was bleeding.

 **“FIX IT.** ” Sayori groaned, “ **FIX IT FI̝͎̻̥̼͜X̤̰̭͙̕ ̲͖Į̟T̡͖̗̞̥̦̲ ̡F҉̺̼̭̪̝̭I̮̖X̰͍ ͖̲͕͠I̗͖̯̣T͔̜̼͎-̨̞̤̺̮͎̤** “

Sayori’s vomit flickered in and out of existence, before she coughed and hacked again, puking out eyeballs.

_ZAYORIEYES TO __  
_ZAYORIEYES TO __  
_ZAYORIEYES TO __

Monika gagged, grabbing onto the door frame for support. As Sayori’s back split open, lines upon lines of eyeballs popping out, hanging onto her by thin stalks, Sayori screamed in agony.

Quickly, Monika snapped out of her nausea, opened up the console and typed furiously.

_Set ZAYORIEYES to 2._

The eyeballs dissipated into pixelated dust, rising up into the air and shining brightly like fireflies before scattering and fading, ceasing to exist. Sayori groaned, finally crawling fully out of the bathtub. A trail of blood ran behind her as she slowly pulled herself forward, before giving up and lying on the tile.

Monika crouched next to Sayori, petting her back, loud sobs echoing from the smaller girl.

_Set ZAYORICRACKS to 0_

Even as her wounds healed, skin stretching back over itself, Sayori wailed loudly, which broke Monika’s heart to pieces.

_Set ZAYORIPAIN to 0%_  
_ZAYORIPAIN now at 20%_

Dammit, Monika hoped she could put it to zero. Whatever, that’s an improvement.

Sayori’s crying didn’t stop or even falter. Monika sat down on the bathroom floor, still petting the glitched girl.

“Sayo?” Monika said, “Sayori? It’s okay, it’s okay…”

Sayori sniffled, shaking intensely. Monika came even closer to her, running her fingers through Sayori’s hair.

“Sayori.” Monika gently whispered, like a mother would say to a baby, “Everything’s okay now. I fixed it. You’re safe. You’re safe.”

Slowly, Monika helped move Sayori into her lap, giving her a gentle hug, surrounding her in her own warmth, Sayori wrapped her arms tightly around Monika, sobbing into her neck. Monika kept repeating comforting phrases, even as Sayori’s snot and tears ran down her shoulder.

“Nothing will hurt you.” Monika repeated, “Everything’s okay now. I’m here, and you’re here too. We’re here together. You’re safe.”

Slowly, Sayori’s sobs turned into quick, shallow breaths. Monika rubbed Sayori’s back, glitchy, shifting bumps running down it.

“Everything will be okay.”

“W-Will it?” Sayori replied, voice cracking, “Will it really?”

“I’ll make sure of it.”

“Monika, please tell me the t-truth. Why is this happening to me?”

“Sayo, please, please, _please_ can we talk about this later?”

“Monika, I can’t…”

“You-“

“Why am I back? Why can you do these weird things? It… I-It…”

The reality of her situation hit Sayori again, and she buried her face deeper into Monika’s neck.

“Why is everything so weird? I-I died, I’m sure of it, a-and I’m back now, somehow. The streets are empty, and I saw the streetlights acting weird, like they aren’t what they’re s-supposed to be.” Sayori muttered, “The more I think about it, the more I realize I can’t... remember anyone’s face. My mom, my dad… I can’t… I can’t remember what they look like, nevermind how they acted. I can’t remember what classes I take, or e-even how long I’ve been in the second year. I can’t remember anything. Why can’t I remember anything?!”

“Let it out.” Monika replied, “Let it all out. The faster you adjust, the better you’ll be.”

“Adjust to what?!”

“Nothing is real. You, me, everyone else, this world we live in… This world is just strings of code. We’re not real.”

Sayori gulped.

“That can’t be it, r-right?! That can’t be…”

As the implications of her unreality sunk in, Sayori started to cry again, quiet sobs quickly turning into loud wails. Monika continued trying to soothe her by rubbing her back and whispering words of encouragement.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Monika whispered, “I can control this world, all by myself. Anything you want, Sayo, I’ll give it to you. You’re not alone.”

“No, I don’t deserve it. I… I never mattered anyways, and now… I’m not even real.”

“You’re just as real as I am.”

Monika’s phone vibrated, lying on the bathroom floor. She caught a quick glimpse of the text.

_Natsuki: yo, monika, you sick? where you at?_

Monika looked away, closing her eyes tight.

“We’ll get through this together, Sayo.”

Sayori looked up at Monika with shiny and red eyes, snot and tears running down her face.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i said i would draw zayori well um
> 
> https://slimy-pennies.deviantart.com/art/ZAYORI-CHR-744082141
> 
> here she is, miss america


	4. Breakfast at Monika's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayori snaps back surprisingly quickly, and Monika comes up with a dumb idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyy. sorry i;m late, i just kinda. hit a wall. tbh i had the bit BEFORE the "dumb idea" written for like months but then i was like... how do you break this news. how do you do this. so, i had my idea like a couple days ago!!
> 
> shout out to eJ121 who p well shoved me out of the slump long enough in little doses to get something out. bless.

Sayori had gotten dressed, Monika hanging out outside the bathroom, waiting, and they both went downstairs together. Monika sighed as she went through her cupboard, grabbing some cereal and placing it on the table in front of a depressed Sayori.

“So.” Monika said as she opened up the fridge to get some milk, “I have an idea about why you reverted.”

Sayori looked away, head in her palm. She sighed that kind of sigh you make when you’re absolutely at your wit’s end and nothing could cheer you up.

Monika’s gaze slowly left Sayori as the sight became more contagiously depressing than she would’ve liked.

“...I think when I get too far away from you, your code gets unstable.” Monika continued, grabbing some bowls, “So, I should stay close to you at all times.”

Sayori didn’t reply. Monika set up the bowls and sat down, pouring some cereal for both of them.

“My guesses as to how far away I can go aren’t exact, as I have no idea if it measures my distance in a 3D space, or if it’s just horizontal. It’s vague, but the bathtub and the door to the kitchen are that relapse’s markers.”

“Relapse…” Sayori muttered, tapping her fingers on the table, “Code… Unstable…”

A strained chuckle escaped Sayori’s lips as she slouched onto the table, laying her head down.

Monika bit her lip, and poured the milk in Sayori’s cereal for her. She attempted to smile, but the edges of her lips twitched enough to show it wasn’t right.

“Eat up, Sayo.” Monika said, “You’ve had a long day already.”

Sayori grunted.

“What’s the point?”

“What?”

“What’s the point, Monika?” Sayori repeated, “I’m not real. Nothing is real. This is pointless and you know it.”

“Sayo… Losing you was one of the worst things to ever happen to me. Please don’t make me go through it again.”

Sayori looked over at Monika, sighed, and picked up her spoon.

“It’s hard, I know.” Monika continued, “But we have to stick together. This reality is all we have.”

Reluctantly, Sayori shoved the cereal in her mouth and chewed. She winced as she accidentally bit down on her tongue, lolling it out of the side of her face, whining.

“Fix my tongue.” Sayori pleaded.

“Trust me, I tried.” Monika said, “Besides… it’s pretty cool. You look like that girl from Natsuki’s anime.”

“Which anime?”

“The one she was obsessed with a couple months ago? The high school murder mystery one?”

Sayori smiled gently, and Monika inwardly cheered. Success.

“Thanks. At least I can lick my own elbow now.”

Sayori lifted up her arm and effortlessly licked her elbow, winking as she did so. The sight made Monika laugh, almost knocking over her own cereal.

“Oh my God, where did I even find you?” Monika chuckled, “You’re such a hoot.”

“A hoot. You might be the only person who still says that.”

Sayori eagerly shovelled down spoonful after spoonful of cereal, milk spilling down the sides of her face. She gulped, wiping the mess into her sleeve.

“Ah, that’s better.” Sayori sighed, “Being dead was pretty boring, we didn’t have any food there.”

“Ha, I would assume.”

“It was weird. I didn’t really register it at the time, but it was this constant flashing of red, green, and blue, with…”

Monika tuned Sayori out, not wanting to hear anymore of this. When Player deleted her, it was absolute torture… Torture she honestly deserved. Monika didn’t want to imagine Sayori going through that _twice._

“Monny?”

“Y-Yeah?”

“Have you texted the rest of the club yet?” Sayori asked, “Broke the good news?”

“Um! I haven’t texted them yet.”

“Seriously? You haven’t told them? Or, what, are they not like us?”

“I have… no excuse. Us four are the only ones with, like, free will, I think.”

“Dude! What if I texted them in the group chat?”

“Oh my God, they're in class…”

“Does it matter?!” Sayori snickered, “We’re not real!”

“Don’t you think that they'll react badly to the whole ‘not being real’ thing?”

“Yeah, but… I’m alive! How can we show them I’m alive without ruining their world views?”

“I could erase their memories.” Monika said matter-of-factly.

“You can what?” Sayori replied, “You… You never did it, did you? You never erased memories before, right?”

And, in that moment, Monika told one of the biggest lies she ever told ever.

“Well, I… I never wiped anyone’s memory ever.”

“Okie-doke! So, can we text them?”

“Sayori… I don’t wanna burst their bubble so tastelessly.”

“Um, if I became aware of my unreality with a funny joke instead of waking up in my own coffin, maybe I wouldn’t feel so awful right now!”

“Are you guilt-tripping me? Are you weaponizing my own empathy?”

“Come on, come on, can’t you do a thing with your phone and let us watch them? It’ll be funny!”

“Ugh…” Monika groaned, “You’re starting to make me want to do it… I’m gonna have to bring you to them eventually… I can’t let you relapse alone here, and I also can’t abandon half of the real people here… Unless!”

“Unless?”

“I disguise you as another person until we come up with a better way to do this.”

“Oh, nice.” Sayori replied, nodding, “That’s a weird way to take this, but it’ll be fun, at least!”

“Nothing about this is fun. I’m risking every relationship I have and ever will have by lying straight to everybody’s faces.”

“Ah. That’s worse than I expected.”

Monika pursed her lips, staring intently at Sayori’s face.

“Thing is…” She said, “I don’t know how to cover the mouth…”

“Oh!” Sayori said, eyes beaming with delight, “I can disguise myself as one of those weird gore fetish aesthetic people who wear doctor’s masks and watch too much anime!”

“Sayori?”

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes, I worry about what you consume online.”

“No, no, seriously. Trust me on this one, I can be a convincing trashman.”

“Okay, wait. Wait.” Monika said as she wandered over to the living room, making sure Sayori was close behind, “Instead, let’s just say you’re from the desert…”

"I was eating. Why drag me away when I'm trying to-"

Monika opened up her closet, pulling out a scarf.

“Picture this: you moved from the hottest desert ever, and it’s so different here!" Monika said, "So cold! You always feel like you’re sitting in a massive freezer, and so you wear a scarf at all times.”

“Monika?”

“Yes?”

“I would actually die of heatstroke.”

“I can make it snow!”

“Wait! Wait. You can do that? What season is it?”

“Climate change makes these things irrelevant, Sayori, it’s honestly surprising how much weird weather you and the other girls accepted because of that. That’s why it only ever rains at night! It makes it easier for Yuri to sleep. I also know how much you adore the occasional thunderstorm.”

“That’s… surprisingly scary and also sweet.”

Monika looked away, deep in thought, before suddenly clapping her hands together, the scarf between her hands muting the sound.

“You don’t even have to go to the classes! The classrooms are so simplistic in their design, nobody would ever notice you being gone if I just… fiddled with some things. I did that once when Natsuki got diarrhea, she literally skipped the _entire class_ and nobody cared!”

“Oh. That’s gross!”

“...I shouldn’t have said that. I suppose I just enjoy being able to tell someone about the nice things I do behind your backs! Haha!”

Monika whipped the scarf over her shoulder awkwardly, looking away.

“Regardless, you can just hang outside my classes and, like… ponder your ponderings. Take a nap.”

“No thanks, I’m actually not tired for once.”

“I mean… good! Because I don’t mean right now... Right now, we’re gonna make you over!”

“Wait, what?”

Monika typed furiously into her phone, drowning them both in an absolute shit-ton of clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a happier chapter but like. this thing is tagged angst iirc so. prepare. it didnt turn out like i imagined it, but thats good. my original vision? shit. let's get disguisey.
> 
> what should we name desert bitch sayori? comment down below if you got a good idea cause iiiii dont.


	5. To And Fro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika and Sayori go to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is slowly turning into an episode of a bad sitcom and i have no regrets

"Okay, then!" Monika said, clapping her hands together, "Let's go over this one more time."

Later that day, an unexpected (for everyone else) snowfall covered the schoolyard in a light sheet of white. It was lunchtime, so the parking lot was abuzz with students who didn't want to attend their last class, piling into the cars of those who were both old enough to drive and lucky enough to have a car with them. Monika wondered how far away they would drive before they despawned, saving up memory in the game for something more important.

Sayori sweated as she walked with Monika, though she couldn't tell if it was out of nervousness or if it was because there wasn't enough snow yet to make her mismatching scarf and hoodie feel like anything less than a sauna.

"What's your name?"

"Risa Ottman."

"Where are you from?"

"T-Texas?"

"Incorrect. There aren't any deserts in Texas."

"Hey! No. The biggest desert in, like, North America or just America or whatever reaches into Texas!"

As they entered the school, Monika looked at Sayori, incredulous.

"...How do you know this?"

"I don't know. Does Texas even exist?"

"Honestly, we could live in Texas and I wouldn't even know."

"Wait, really?"

"Okay, that's another existential crisis that we don't need today." Monika said, rubbing her temple, "I guess it doesn't matter. I made it so everyone else will ignore you, and I'm praying that Yuri and Natsuki will-"

"Monika, you son of a bitch." Natsuki pouted, walking up to the duo, "God, I was _actually_ worried, where were you? You never skip school."

Usually Natsuki acted angrier than she really was, it was a part of her personality, a defense against all the cruelty the game threw at her, but, this time, she sounded legitimately angry, like Monika not returning her texts was a crime on par with all the other crimes Monika had committed.

Of course, Monika noted, one of her best friends just committed suicide, so this was justified. This was completely Monika's fault.

"I am so sorry!" Monika said, actually embarrassed for once in her life, "I was busy showing Risa around town and… Ugh! I totally saw your texts, but then I went to do things before answering them, but then I forgot about them, and… Listen, I'm here, I'm okay, please don't worry about me."

Natsuki seemed okay with that answer, smiling in that small Natsuki way that only those who truly knew her could recognize. Natsuki looked over to Sayori, scoffing.

"So." She said in that "I'm trying to be intimidating but I'm too soft and small to be" voice, "New friend? Risa, is it?"

"Risa Ottman." Sayori replied, and time froze for Monika as she instantly panicked. Natsuki was taken aback a little bit, scrunching her face up in confusion.

_She didn't fucking change Sayori's voice._

"She's from the desert!" Monika said, butting in, "The desert in… uh…"

"Texas!" Sayori blurted, "I'm from America!"

_She's still talking, she doesn't know what's wrong, fuck fuck FUCK_

"Okay, then!" Monika said, dragging Sayori down the hallway slowly, "Well, it was nice introducing you two, but I promised I'd show Risa everything before dinner, so… I'll be seeing you later, Natsuki!"

Monika sped up, hauling Sayori off behind her.

“Monika-“

“Don’t speak.”

“Why-“

_“Don’t fucking speak.”_

Out of the corner of her eye, Monika saw Yuri sitting on one of those dumb benches that you put indoors.

_“Don’t notice me.”_ She repeated in her head, _“Don’t notice me, for the love of all that is holy-“_

“Hello, Monika.” She heard Yuri say.

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit **shit**

Keep your cool, Monika.

Just play it off like you didn’t hear her.

Wait, no, you might have made eye contact just then? Did you make eye contact?

Are you too close to not hear her? What if you started talking to Sayori-?

No! That’s too obvious! If you start talking to Sayori _immediately_ after Yuri tries to talk to you, then she’ll instantly know you’re ignoring her. Oh my god. OH MY GOD.

JUST FUCKING GO, YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HELLS AWAIT YOU. RUN.

Monika dragged Sayori into the nearest classroom and shoved herself against the door, typing at her phone.

“We’re going.” She said, “We’re going _right now._ ”

“What? Why?” Sayori asked, “Did I do something wrong?”

“You did great.”

“So, why are we-?”

_(ZAYORI.chr teleport MHouse.bat;_  
_Monika.chr teleport MHouse.bat)_

At the same time, they found themselves in Monika’s living room. Sayori looked around like she was a sheep in a field of wolves; wolves made of metal and spikes and other scary things.

“You can teleport _people?!_ ” Sayori yelled, hauling down her scarf, “Why did we walk to school, then?!”

“Oh, bless, we teleported alright.” Monika said, “Listen, I didn’t want to do that, I was so worried I’d mess up the code… Sometimes it goes all glitchy with objects and I don’t think I’d be okay if you or anyone else got messed up because of me.”

Monika pressed her face into a convincing poker face as she flashed back to the time she accidentally… _did a thing_ with Natsuki.

She only really intended to move Natsuki from her couch to her bed, so her dad wouldn’t get mad while Monika was asleep.

Natsuki’s bones cracking and going in directions they were never intended to go as she scuttled around like a spider, screaming her lungs out, will probably _forever_ haunt Monika.

“Messed up? Like how?” Sayori asked.

“You know.” Monika said, trying to sound like it wouldn’t be _that_ bad, “Maybe we’d fuse together like that movie with the fly…”

“The Fly?”

“Yeah, remember? There was a fly. I don’t remember what it was called.”

“The Fly with Jeff Goldblum, Monika.”

“Yes! I know it was a fly!”

“The movie was called The Fly.”

“...Oh. Dumb title.”

“I know, right? But it’s so straightforward that I can’t, like, think of a better title.”

“Jeff Goldblum Goes Into a Thing and Flies Happen?”

“Wasn’t it a movie before Jeff Goldblum? Like, isn’t it a remake?”

“Ah, yes, Sayori, that’s the most implausible thing about my title.”

“Okay, okay.” Sayori said as she flicked her tongue, “We’re getting sidetracked. Why did we leave? We just got there.”

“I might have panicked.”

“Didn’t notice. I just thought you started running down the hall because you were practicing for track.”

“Your voice made me freak out, okay?”

“Aw, Monny, I know I can get kinda shrill sometimes, but…”

“No, honestly.” Monika said, completely devoid of humour, “Did you see Natsuki’s face? She heard a stranger with the exact same voice as her dead best friend.”

“...Oh.”

“I should have thought of this, but no. I suck at this!”

“Listen, listen.” Sayori said, “Okay, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen and change my voice.”

“I… I can’t really do that.”

“Excuse me?”

“Outside of our four voices, there isn’t really many to choose from in the background characters files… Besides, your voice is so distinct, it’d be like turning a flower garden into a wasteland and expecting nobody to notice.”

Sayori blushed.

“Aw, you think my voice is that pretty?” She cooed, “That’s so nice of you, Monny!”

When she blushes, Sayori emits so many pure and wonderful vibes that Monika finds it hard to look at her, just like the sun.

“Yeah, well…” Monika said, “Unfortunately, I won’t get to hear that voice in school much anymore. You should only talk when it’s necessary.”

“Wait, you want me to not talk? That’s the worst thing that ever happened to me…”

“You died.”

“Second worst thing.”

“And you came back as a zombie.”

“Third worst thing.”

“Also, remember when you dropped that ice cream at the park? Like, it was a six-scoop with-“

“Seven-scoop mint choco crunch.” Sayori sighed, “Okay, you win. Fourth worst thing. It’s off the podium and won’t receive a medal.”

Monika patted Sayori’s back.

“Don’t worry.” She said, “You’ll get used to it and, before you know it, we’ll figure out how to reveal you, and you’ll be able to freely talk to the girls without a disguise!”

“I just want this to hurry up and end…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the name "risa" comes from sayoriri, and the name "ottman" comes from the game detective pikachu which you should play just so i can get at least ONE fuckin emilia/meiko fanfic please god


	6. New Girl, Old Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri and Natsuki have some issues with this new girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to keep yall waiting lol xoxo

Recently, Yuri hasn’t really understood Monika’s behaviours. Sure, she still talks to her friends and attends the club and all, but… It seems that she has suddenly snapped into this high-energy, high-joy rush that does not mesh well with a person who is still mourning the loss of her best friend.

Don’t get anything wrong, Yuri is thrilled at the idea of Monika being happy, but she hasn’t dragged everyone to Sayori’s grave recently. She hasn’t once said how much she misses Sayori. It’s like, overnight, all her worries and troubles disappeared.

This isn’t healthy. Sure, maybe Monika suddenly recovered from the loss just like that, but chances are that she’s actually bottling up the pain and misery inside herself, trying to remain strong for everyone else.

Yuri knows what it’s like to bottle up all your feelings and anxieties, and it’s not healthy. She may be a hypocrite when she says that Monika shouldn’t do that, but she only says it out of a love for her friend.

“Monika?” She asked one day, “Have you been feeling, um… okay recently?”

“Yeah.” Monika replied, “Why?”

“You haven’t asked to… We haven’t visited Sayori’s grave in a while. Are you okay?”

Monika froze, putting on a fake smile.

“Um, I… I just haven’t felt like it recently. I’ve been tired.”

“You’ve been acting really happy lately.” Yuri continued, “Usually, that’s a good thing, but… If you have anything you want to tell me or Natsuki, anything at all, just let us know. Putting on a mask like this isn’t healthy.”

Little did Yuri know exactly how accurate she was.

\---

Meanwhile, Natsuki’s been focusing on the other half of the zombie-and-god duo. Risa popped up out of nowhere, and suddenly her and Monika are friends? That’s weird.

Sure, Monika’s friendly and Monika’s lovable, but how fast can Monika befriend someone? Is there some sort of secret backstory she’s not aware of? Maybe they were online friends before Risa moved over here.

Risa wasn’t always by Monika’s side, but she was always close, always within earshot. It was creepy, to be honest.

Plus, that voice… Natsuki didn’t want to admit it, but when Risa spoke to her in the hallway, she sounded just like Sayori. Maybe it was the grief making her go mad, or maybe they really sounded alike.

Natsuki kind of hoped Risa did sound like Sayori, just so she could hear Sayori’s voice again, even if it came out of another person.

Risa sat on one of the benches, reading a book. Natsuki hated to admit that she knew Sayori enough to remember what books she loved, but Risa was reading the same book Sayori would sometimes read: one about a princess cast from her throne.

“Hey, Risa.” She said, “What’s up?”

Sayori shrunk into her seat and muttered a little bit before turning back to her book.

Oh, great. She’s one of those shy types. You never know what you’re getting into with those losers until they open up and, all of a sudden, they turn into a pretentious, uppity, knife-obsessed, _beautiful…_ Wait, what?

“My friend loves that book.” Natsuki blurted, “It’s about a princess, right?”

Sayori sweated at the use of present tense. Did she know Sayori isn’t dead, or did she just not want to admit Sayori was dead right away?

Obviously, she just wanted to not say “Hi! My friend is dead.” immediately, but some tiny part of Sayori screamed that she knew.

But… But she was asking about Pretty Past Princess… Sayori desperately wanted to talk about Pretty Past Princess.

Sayori realized she was silent for way too long in this conversation and spoke.

“Yeah, it’s about a princess.” She said, trying not to say too much too fast, “It’s a fun book, too. It’s almost like it was made for me.”

Okay, maybe saying to Natsuki’s face that her dead-but-not-really friend’s favourite book almost felt like it was made for her, the dead-but-not-really friend in disguise as a new-but-not-really student was a bad idea. Maybe, in Natsuki’s mind, Risa suddenly crossed a boundary in her head, one that separated Sayori from the rest of the world.

If someone acts like your friend who is dead a little bit too much, your mind says “That’s weird.” and acts weird in response. Natsuki saw Risa act like Sayori, almost like she was trying to replace her, even if Sayori never meant to replace herself and Natsuki never meant to think that way. Truthfully, in her mind, nobody could be like Sayori except Sayori herself, and that is why, in this moment, Natsuki got defensive.

“It wasn’t.” She said.

“...I mean, I know that, but-“

“You’re not even the biggest fan of the book.”

“...I know.”

“My friend is.”

“I… I assume so.”

What the hell is going on with her?

Natsuki sighed, looked at Sayori, then suddenly looked away. Without saying anything, she left, leaving Sayori alone to sulk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is worst chapter so far cause it's more tell than show BUT but but but let's be real we need natsuki in this fic... also yuri i guess LOLOLOL JK I LOVE HER TOO
> 
> next chapter is either extremely femslash, extremely natsuki and yuri, or extremely blood, i have three wips and they could go in any order really, so idk which it will be!! wow!!!!!
> 
> honestly im surprised you guys like this fic, im just really into monster/zombie/whatever girls and i think they're neat!!! tbh someone rewrite this fic so im not the only one giving yall zayori i just love my rotting girl
> 
> ALSO also also also it occurred to me that some of yall may be reading my other fic, just let out your feelings, and lemme just say that the ages in that fic arent canon. they're all kids in that fic, but this fic, they're all 18 like in canon (technically ageless but like) and i dont think it will be doki doki poly, sorry
> 
> i enjoy all variations of the four girls in ship but sayonika just comes more naturally to me cause they're just... really gay and also i cant write yuri or natsuki well most of the time oops
> 
> AH SHIT i rambled its 1 am and i gotta go to a christening tomorrow. i aint religious (even tho i love my symbolism and themes oops) but my cousin had a baby and i LOVE THAT KID i will DIE FOR HIM he's such a wriggly little man!!!!!! fuck now i want to write doki doki fankids yikes


End file.
